"So it's nine years."

 On this day nine years ago, I watched the film 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly' for the first time, and it has inspired me in so many ways. Although the film is violent and at sometimes disturbing, it's also funny, visually striking and can be beautiful and even poignant.

Since I watched the film I have traveled on my own, got on the news twice, climbed three mountains in one day for charity, took part in a panel discussion at the University of Kent and appreciated Pirates of the Caribbean, of all things, in a way I never had before. This is what it means to be a fangirl. 

Thecanary.co are drama queens

 The most liberal news source in the world is a collective of drama queens. It's hard to trust a news source that uses all caps in its headlines.

Not only that, but they are hypocrites. For every moment they call a journalist out on hypocrisy, they do the same thing. They criticise Guardian columnist John Harris for insulting Jeremy Corbyn while he's Labour leader, but what have they done that's so innocent? Accuse Joe Biden of "anti-fascist cosplay" and call him an authoritarian. Is Joe Glenton still on the team? He must have been responsible for the latter headline. At least we know some people won't be stressed after this November's electiom.

'Frozen 2' is a cinematic guilty pleasure. Here's why.

 

When I saw 'Frozen 2' in the cinema, it was kind of a letdown. It was funny and entertaining, but other than that I wasn't that impressed. Nothing of real consequence happened, it didn't take many risks, some scenes just padded the film out and the potential from the new characters was wasted.

However, it is one of my big cinematic guilty pleasures. Almost five years on I can't stop thinking about how visually inspired it could be. It looked the the first 'Frozen' but also looked different.

The soundtrack won't please everyone but I am addicted to it. The use of kulning in Elsa's songs is used to great effect. Some of the lyrics are powerful as well. Maybe those songs are like 'Let it Go', but something about them feels different in a way I can't explain.

The theme of finding yourself and where you come from resonated with me. There's a lot about my ancestry I don't know about. Where exactly did my earliest homosapien ancestors live? Would I find myself if I knew?

The theme of the sins of the father isn't handled well, but I had ancestors who were slave owners, I can't afford to pay reparations to their descendants because I haven't inherited anything from the descendants of John Johnson or Peter and Simeon Fiske, and there are no easy answers to avenging the enslaved people anyway. But I do know the towns where those ancestors lived.

This is relevant to 'Frozen 2' because in the third act the sisters learn that their grandfather was a murderous colonialist and try to amend the sins of the past. It resonates with me, even though it's clumsily done.

My ancestors came from numerous places. I have ancestors from Scandanavia, Poland, western Germany, the Netherlands, France, Czechia, Austria and God knows where else in Europe. It's hard to know the exact lineage of my maternal great grandmother, for instance, or my paternal great grandmother.  How do I follow these ancestors into the unknown?

If I learn where my earliest ancestors lived, my story could be more interesting than what Disney had come up with.

My uncle by marriage believes I'm descended from Duke Rollo, but I don't know how he knows that. Last year I visited Willian the Conqueror's tomb in Rouen and didn't get any answers. Nothing spiritual or magical happened. Nothing obvious, anyway. It was a thrilling experience. It's possible I'm not descended from him. I can't get any answers from my uncle right now.

I thought honestly that something in my life would be like the 'Show Yourself' scene. That scene is one I am addicted to. The visuals, the music and the sense of anticipation just work for me. I love the facial expressions on Elsa in the scene. The part where she's trying to access Ahtohallen by the sea is one I really like as well, due to the editing.

Something about certain scenes remind me of 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind', or, of all things, 'The Neverending Story', like the scenes of Elsa approaching Ahtohallan.

Have you ever been to some place where your life felt complete? One of those places, as tacky as it seems to people, was the Clos de Lupin in Étretat. It has a great atmosphere, it makes you feel like you're part of something bigger and it's a place I recommend other autistic women visit. I like to describe it as being like an autistic woman's Ahtohallan. 

Traveling around Britain, where I live, feels like going into the unknown. Even though I have lived in Britain (Airstrip One?) most of my life, it feels mysterious to me.

All this probably doesn't make sense, but my mind does make connections that aren't immediately obvious to people.

I have only seen 'Frozen 2' once, and if I saw it again, I would still be unimpressed. But it is inspiring me to want to take my own journeys into the unknown.

On Being an Autistic Troublemaker

 There's a reason why I relate to Tuco from 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly'. He's not perfect. He's violent, self-centered, rude, mouthy, garrulous, quick-tempered and generally lacks social skills. He has many positive qualities, but he's not labeled "The Ugly" for nothing. All of his qualities, positive and negative, have resonated with me from the moment I first watched the film. I was Tuco. I regretted not realizing this years ago, and if I had, even if my emotional experience had been different, I would have felt a sense of relief while watching his story. This revelation that I was a lot like him is why I was so shocked, as well as pleasantly surprised, that my film 'Force of Habit' was a finalist at Autism Uncut. Usually, the autistic people who get rewarded for their efforts, especially the autistic women, are pleasant, docile and charmingly quirky. I admit to being jealous of the selected Autism Ambassadors from various charities. I'm not a model or an actress, but a typical overly emotional artist.

I have spent my life being viewed as a troublemaker and I have come to believe it. I could have stopped to think that I was being misunderstood, but that didn't fit in with the emotionally secure society of the 2000s. I was always getting in trouble in school and with my family.

I tend to hurt others' feelings, even if there are times where I don't mean it. Often I would say something because I think it's funny, and people would misunderstand, which is strange, because usually people understand everything.

I get stressed easily, because I have physical impairments such as low pain tolerance, sensory sensitivity, dyspraxia and a lack of a sense of time, and I lash out at whatever is around me. You understand why that last part makes me a Tuco Ramirez fangirl. 

My need to have control in my life has caused me to be viewed as a brat. Maybe I am, even though I never intended to be one.

I embody everything that is ugly about autism, and that is not necessarily a bad thing when it comes to activism and advocacy. Even parents with misbehaving autistic children can lay claim to their children's innocence. I can be understood without being innocent, because I'm an adult and should know better. 

I don't have the social skills to be an ambassador, but I am no less autistic than Christine Martin McGuinness.

No, You Don't Regret Voting Leave

 My reasoning is that the people who voted for Brexit had something they wanted in mind but won't say what it is. Whatever it is. Whether it was for trade, or healthcare, or to figure out what their national culture is. Either way, they'll get it. That's why they don't regret it.

They're probably still celebrating getting one over the "metropolitan elites". Seems like the vote gave them the catharsis they wanted.

Many people voted for Brexit as a protest vote, and I hope it was worth it for them. I hope people were satisfied with Cameron's resignation (I personally saw him as a rat jumping a sinking ship; he agreed to the stupid referendum).

I personally don't believe in collective regret. There's no such thing, especially in politics.

Top 10 Joachim Kaps roles

Whenever I love a performance, I look into the actor's other work. And what an array of roles I've found from Joachim Kaps! From his voice acting roles, you wouldn't know that he was the German Patrick Swayze.

10. Algonquin C. Lumpus (German dub of Camp Lazlo)- The German dub of 'Camp Lazlo' is fairly decent, but it's got a good interpretation of Lumpus from Kaps.

9. Gus (German dub of Cinderella 3) Kaps is charming in the role, and although his voice is pitched up, you can tell it's him.

8. J. Thaddeus Toad (German dub of Disney's The Wind in the Willows) Kaps brings his melodic voice and lots of energy to the role. He hits every emotional moment perfectly, and is heartbreaking in the prison scene.

7. Tigger (German dub of Disney's Winnie the Pooh animations) What can I say? Kaps made Tigger his own, while copying Jim Cummings' lisp. He's a delight to listen to. He shows off his singing skills in the dub of 'The Tigger Movie' and excels in the film's comedic and dramatic moments.

6. Dummling (Sherlock Holmes und die Sieben Zwergen) Kaps hams it up like mad in this series, sometimes to annoying levels. However, at times he is adorable, especially in that shiny blond wig. He's sort of a Papageno figure in this fairytale journey.

5. Jacob Scribble (German dub of Wunschpunsch) Kaps gave a beautiful performance to Jacob, and a different interpretation to Harry Hill's. While Hill hammed it up, Kaps' performance was a little warmer and more personable, while still dignified. He's also a little more emotional.

4. Squidward Tentacles (German dub of SpongeBob, Season 9 onwards). After the incredible performance Eberhard Prüter gave, this was a tough act to follow, but Kaps gave an interpretation I grew to love just as much. While Prüter always had an air of dignity, Kaps was wacky and fun. Sometimes, like Prüter, Kaps would interpret an emotion the way it's supposed to be felt, instead of what was on screen. For instance, in 'Snooze, You Lose', he has Squidward's inner monologue sound tired instead of being suddenly angry and alert. His delivery was powerful by being subtle and natural. It's different, but far from wrong. Furthermore, without Squidward, I would neither have learned about Jacob, nor about the three I am about to discuss.

3. Hein Kruse (Familie Intakt). Hein is based on Peter Kruse from the 1973 teleplay 'Reizende Ferien', and although he's just as sexy, he's not as well dressed, which means he fits into the comfortable, homey environment of the series. He's a nice, easygoing guy, but somehow more exciting than the rest of the cast, who act like broad caricatures.

2. Hans-Günther Koch (Ferienheim Bergkristall). Hans-Günther also fits into his comfortable, homey environment, but he's a bolder dresser. I might even say he's a fashion icon. What makes Hans-Günther stand out is that he's an unsympathetic womaniser, and although he loves Susanne, he still cheats on her a lot. And yet he's not completely unlikeable, thanks to Kaps' charismatic performance. 'Ferienheim Bergkristall' is a very funny series, despite the fact that everyone in it hams it up to the max. Hans-Günther is only a little bit of a ham, which is refreshing, when placed alongside the likes of Alois and Mr. Oberpichler, for instance.

1. Achim (Brummkreisel). Unless you really did some research, you wouldn't realize that Kaps was a kids' TV host for a while. It's hard to describe 'Brummkreisel', but it's really just a series of random but harmless events, bookended by a spinning top (hence the name).
Achim is the perfect kids' TV host. He's colourful but not overbearing, and gentle but not boring. He's kind and patient, but far from a pushover, especially concerning his bossy buddy Kunibert. He's mischievous, but not mean. And he's a leader but knows how to compromise.

Paidionocracy

 Paidionocracy is a word I just made up, compiled of the words paidion and kratos.

It incrementally started in the late 2000s or early 2010s, when there was a collective backlash against everything from the election of President Obama to the Green Hornet movie, starting from the fringe and making its way into leadership itself. It seems to be a societal pattern. It has empowered people to hate everything that isn't white, male and cisgender on "social" media posts they have no business commenting on; on Facebook, comments only beat the algorithm. Now it has manifested in book bans, abortion bans and drag show bans across the US, Republicans in America heckling President Biden while dressed like Batman antagonists, outrage over people having to learn the truth about the British Empire, repression of both migrants and environmental protestors in Britain, and far-right Austrian lawmakers walking out of Ukrainian President Zelenskyy's speech to the country's parliament.

Here I was thinking we were in the 21st Century, not the 15th. How am I living in a world where people feel entitled to screech about everything that isn't malicious to them, just unfamiliar?

Sometimes it seems the meek have inherited the Earth, other times it has been inherited by people throwing their proverbial toys out of the stroller.